Confusion
by yume-drifter
Summary: My first SD and shounen ai fic... Please review...


A/N :hi, thanks for reading this fic. it's my first time to write shounen ai items (though i've been reading some for some time now) so please forgive me if the whole thing just sucks. i'm working on it, but i need a little help in the form of reviews... so please, pleeeease, just review or comment on this one. thanks.  
  
Confusion  
  
by yume_drifter  
  
I stared at my now empty locker, once full of my usual crappy stuff: my uniform, a few more dirty clothes and the usual dumps you see in normal high school guy's lockers.  
  
This locker just received a long, hard and obvious dent in the shape of a fist in it. All the other things fell of immediately after that.  
  
I don't believe this. This isn't like me. It's just... not.  
  
I know, I know. I'm being stupid over this whole thing. The basketball practice is over now. He's wiping the floor clean as punishment for yelling at the huge gorilla we call 'captain'. Frankly, he does look like one, but as a captain, he's decent. He rules the team with fear, guts and the wrath of king kong.  
  
I really don't see the point.  
  
Everytime I look at him, at those dumb, idiot eyes of his, I get this weird feeling inside. Like I'm being possessed. Only that it's more weirder. My insides churn like crazy and my heart just all of a sudden, beats faster. I start to think of stupid stuff like banging my head against the wall or jumping off the gym's roof. It makes me feel like I could do anything. I mean, ANYTHING. That includes bluntly throwing insults at him and deliberately annoying his head off, but still...  
  
I started to pick my stuff up. It's a lot things, ranging from towels to used socks that I always fail to bring home to my old, useless jerseys from my old school(I still use them for practice though). I looked at one of my jerseys, the particular one he borrowed from me when he lost his. I pretended to throw it away. I didn't.  
  
Instead, I kept it in the darkest corner of my locker.  
  
For some supernatural reason, I can't seem to let go of this dirty, sweaty(still sweaty) jersey he wore. It's insane, right, yes. Inside, I smiled at the jersey fondly. I remember throwing the jersey at him when he freaked out. He'd forgotten his own jersey at home and his yells echoed throughout the locker room. He'd wanted to play the game so badly, he was practically digging his nails inside his locker, desperate for a jersey to wear(he needed to have a number that won't fall off, unlike that one time the dumb-ass used masking tape to put in a number on his back). So I tossed the thing at him.  
  
'Wear it, you monkey,' I told him. 'If it'll make your stupid mouth shut up.'  
  
Of course he answered in a very unique way. In his own, unique, simple-minded, blockhead way. It was so easy to make him come off flaring, so easy to manipulate him. That was his charm. His block-headedness made miracles. He became a miracle rookie. He managed to get through training. He learned to play the game. He even became one of the reasons why this team kept winning. He with his stupid eyes, his large mouth and his outrageous red hair.  
  
And finally, he got me.  
  
My lips formed a curve. I very mocking smile, I think. He got me there. This charm of his, it kind of worked on me. I finally realized what the hell I was feeling, and I think this is the most RIDICULOUS feeling of all.  
  
Love.  
  
How stupid of me not to realize it. Or maybe I kept denying it, juat until now.  
  
Amazing. I can't believe he'd done it. He made the whole world believe in him. He made me fall for him, and I didn't even know it. I laughed softly at myself, being the idiot I am. Falling for such a stupid monkey. Such a stupid, insolent, hot-headed, red-haired monkey. Even worse, I could see my reputation in the school, as the girl-flocker and the best, most aloof ace of Shohoku basketball team, falling into tiny little pieces. I could see my 'cool' image on the school, my statue in the front lobby beside the flag pole, my forever(or so it seems) worshipped image of the evil basketball player crumbling down into pieces as it hits the ground, smashing headfirst. Throw in the snickering faces and dark, shame-on-you looks people in the corridor would give you as you walk by them. One big party, isn't it?  
  
But the hell do I care.  
  
I finished fixing my things by stuffing the whole heap back into my locker again. Of course, the dent is still there, just a lingering reminder of the confusion I had just thinking of him. He gives me one hell of a headache, but still, he makes my world go round. Ironic.  
  
A tall, lean figure came staggering towards the middle bench in the locker. The pale walls versus the dark color of the lockers made his insanely bright hair stand out, making him stick oout the room's view like a sore thumb. He tossed his shirt off his shoulder, making it land on the tile floor with a loud--  
  
SPLAT!!  
  
"You'll have to clean that." I told him, pointing at the sweaty jersey at the now sweaty, thanks to it, floor.  
  
"Hey, you fox head, I just cleaned the whole court, don't diss me now!" he shouted. "I'm pooped."  
  
"Shut up you weakling." I shot. "That training was supposed to remove the wussiness† from your ass. Now clean that up."  
  
"Says who, d*ck****?!"  
  
"Wuss."  
  
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!"  
  
"Fix your ears, they're as useless as your head. /Wuss/," I sneered at him.   
  
"THAT'S IIIIT!!!" he bellowed. "EAT THIS!"  
  
He grabbed my by my collar and a sudden blow ushed me tumbling across the room. I hit the bare wall with my back as my arms in my side absorbed the impact. The punch was hurling at me, I knew it, but I didn't react. Ok, scrarch that, I /failed/ to react. I stood up, slightly staggering, looking fitfully and vengefully at him as he poised again to wait for a strike from me. I tasted blood in my mouth and wiped off traces of it off my face. Once I was fully ready, I rushed at him.  
  
"Eat this, you asshole," I darkly sneered at him.  
  
I grabbed his collar and saw his eyes show no fear. Of course they won't. We're speaking about Sakuragi Hanamichi here, not some ordinary high school guy who would've peed his pants off at this point. I pulled him close to me, so close, until I could hear his rugged breathing.  
  
That did it.  
  
I forced my lips into his, crushing them open and sending my tongue inside his mouth to play. It was a kiss. He wasn't able to push me away, nor pull himself back. He was probably too stunned. It all happened very quickly, I guess his slow, rusty brain wasn't fast enough to process a reaction from him.  
  
I pushed him away and stared at those blank, still stunned eyes. So clueless, so ignorant. I picked up my backpack and left off at the door, leaving him there to internalize what has just happened to him. Yes, I'm still the same evil Rukawa he has always encountered. Falling in love with him won't change that, it would just make it more interesting.  
  
I thought about getting that dent I made in my locker fixed.  
  
Nah, forget it. It'll look better that way.  
  
†‡owari‡†  
  
A/N: †wussiness - i don't even know if such a word exists. but who cares. hope you enjoyed reading and please drop by to review! ^-^ 


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